So you're trying to convince a major organisation to select you for an international performance. You think long and hard about the things that might enamour you to them, and try to work out exactly how you can write a song that will both appeal to their inner soul, and the hearts of the wider nation, and continent, beyond. So it's probably not the best idea to tell that organisation that they've been doing their job wrong for the last 19 years.
Eurovision songs about Eurovision are almost without fail a bag of monkey balls, and ones that are moaning about their country not doing very well frequently litter the first sweep of the toilet entries every single year. Although to be fair, most of them are Swiss. Still, we get our fair share, and they're nearly always very much like this.
They usually begin with a terribly dated intro, slide gracelessly into an over wordy lyric about the old times and how we were good once, and they more than often come presented a two-bob video shot in the studio of the back alley wedding musician that usually writes them. And on top of that they always, always smugly imagine that they're the first person ever to have come up with the idea, and get terribly indignant when they don't make it to the telly.
Come on people, look around you. Our final selections are usually pretty poor, but they're never anywhere near this poor...