Ukraine 2020 - Alex Angel - Get Love (Kissing Show)

Warning! This clip is for people with a strong stomach for painfully cringeworthy business only!

 I must say that, despite this year's slow start to proceedings, I've been resisting posting this grotty little beast for more than a week now. By now we should all be aware of the slightly grim sex pestiness of Mr Angel's video ouevre. Indeed, he's spent most of the last year since least we saw him advertising for girls who like kissing on camera. But he seems to have surpassed himself here.

This is genuinely the song that he's telling people he's entered for this year's contest - so it's either an excerpt, a remix, or he's completely lost his mind this time. The only consolation here is that despite his desperate efforts to join in, the two unfortunate girls on view here seem more interested in each other than letting the little fella get involved.

And while one always wants to be generous, and kinda hope that it's all a parody, I'm possibly not the only one who suspects that it's far from that. Surely this kind of behaviour can only either end with a prison sentence or a thorough beating from somebody's irate Dad.

I think we've reached maximum Apocalypse here - and not in a good way. Mr Bognibov is seriously going to have to up his game this term.

Slovenia 2020 - Marmoris - Moj Pristan

(Click here to embark upon the great folly that is ESC 2020...)

About bloody time, Eurovision!

It has long been a tradition here at Apocalypse to post a review of the first song we hear in each passing on season - however terrible or dreary that it is. But we've not had to wait until beyond the middle of November in a long, long time. It's like everybody's been scared to the the first, this time round. So thank heavens for Slovenia's EMA Freš concept, that gives a lot of plucky triers a bit of a go at getting onto EMA proper with their home produced videos and earnest looks at the camera.

Well, I say thank heavens. That was more in relief that we've finally got going than the quality of the songs that I heard. But the Marmoris boys here shall be remembered in history as the first aspiring entry that we heard in the 2020s - long after any recollection of its actual dreariness has subsided.

Which is a shame, 'cos a serious looking bloke rapping in a Slavic language, interspersed by and even more serious fella emoting with a deep, minor key voice is usually catnip to these pages. But sadly this pair look like they've just popped out for lunch from work in an office where no one's quite sure what the company actually does, to swiftly record a clip for the telly, then nip back an hope nobody's missed them. This was the second take.

But all this is irrelevant. The season is upon us and we must rejoice. Huzzah! 

(PS Can we have Switzerland's freakazoid open application system back soon please? We're missing that bonkers alcaholic choir!)