New just in: Cyprus have turned to the rock for this year's Eurovision entry. Or at least according to the rank and file fansters. But one close listen will tell you a whole different story. There may be guitars and serious gurns to the camera from a pug ugly drummer, that much is true. But that's just about where it ends.
While about their ordinary day jobs, the only prefix you could attach to the Minus One's 'rock' is 'pub'. And that's at a push. Indeed, so pedestrian is their usual ouvre that they've shipped in an exotic foreign songwriter of this parish to try and make themselves sound just a little bit interesting. Just. That man? One Thomas G:Son. Oh yes, him.
So what they've ended up delivering is a song that wouldn't be out of place in the lower reaches of a MelFest semi-final, but smoothed some slightly fuzzy guitars over it, and set the drum machine to 'Phil Collins', and have tried to palm it off as meaningful rock. Not on my watch, sunbeam.
And another thing. Any songwriter who still uses the lyric line "morning light" in a song deserves the tar and feather treatment. That would look lovely in among those lovely flowing locks, Mr G, son...