Monday 28 February 2011

Macedonia 2011 - Vlatko Ilievski - Rusinka

The Macedonian final seemed to go on for about a month, and had many incomprehensible twists and turns - but in among it all were one or two cracking tunes. The eventual winner had a certain hectic charm, but there was something not quite right about the singer. He'd clearly never seen a guitar before the night of the final - let alone played one - and the crisp shirt and suit combo left him looking more like a weatherman or a TV chef. Still, I think it's just about escaped onto the side of goodness - just about.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Austria 2011 - Alkbottle - Wir San Do Ned Zum Spaß


Austria surprised many people with their varied and excitable national final, and one of the more entertaining acts were this lively bunch of rural beer metalists. The song might have been a tad pedestrian, but they knew how to whup up a crowd, and would have been a cracking addition to the Dusseldorf party fun. I mean, they've got a biker clown in a supermarket goods cage - what more do you want!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Israel 2011 - Knob - I'm Loving It


Some headlines write themselves…

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips. 

Belarus 2011 – Anastasiya Vinnikova - Born in Belorussia


Rumours abound that this piece of strangeness is going to be the Belarussian entry. I'm not sure if I'm delighted or frightened.

STOP PRESS: It's true! Heck! It's almost as if Lukaschenko himself wrote it!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Israel 2011 - Dana International - Ding Dong


Everyone's favourite Israeli transexual's having another go in their final this year, but this time around her song isn't quite as immediate. What do you reckon?

STOP PRESS: She only went and won! Blimey. But is it strong enough - or is her name still big enough - to drag her out of the semis?

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Sunday 27 February 2011

Macedonia 2011 - Rok Agresori - Kukuriku


I know this bloke from Skopje called Falus. He's in one of the best and most historic punk rock bands in Macedonia. I'd guess he's somewhere between Wakey from The English Dogs and Captain Sensible. Every couple of years he enters a situationist punk nursery rhyme into his national final - and it really pisses off the fanboys! This is one of the greatest three minutes you'll see this year - nice one Falus!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Slovenia 2011 - April - Ladadidej


Well someone's been watching a bit too much Lady Gaga, haven't they now...

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Bulgaria 2001 - Wikeda - Blue Cotton Levi's


Now here's a curious bit of business. What starts out as a passable spot of carnival ska - replete with a poor stab at a Jamaican accent - soon loses its way to become an impenetrable and self-indulgent cacophanic ramble. Not entirely enjoyable, but worth a look for the curiosity spotters among you.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Saturday 26 February 2011

Denmark 2011 - A Friend in London - New Tomorrow


The Danish finals was a dismal parade of samey drabness, but then this one popped out of the mirk to nick the title. I didn't much care for it at first, but it's growing on me like a git. I'm seeing unlikely contender here, curse them.


Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Greece 2011 - Trihmitonio - Hamogela


Greece appear to have used the power of the gods of Olympus to dip back in time and grab a clutch of 90s happy house kids off the floor of an Ibiza chill out bar, and given them a sweetly dopey singalong to bark out. Dumb, but annoyingly likeable!


Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Sweden 2011 - Nicke Borg - Leaving Home


By crikey! The singer from Backyard Babies has gone and got himself in the Swedish final! How the heck did that happen? If you know his old band's previous output you may be surprised by what's on this clip. But while it might not be as noisy as most of his back catalogue, it's not without power. Lovely power, at that.

(Oh, and be warned - the Swedes are notorious for shutting down YouTube links, so if this vid suddenly disappears I'll try and dig you out another!)

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips

Moldova 2011 - Pasha Parfeny - Dorule


Now here's the first sighting of a dulcimer in Eurovision in quite some time. But it's not in quite the kind fo song that you'd have imagined to see one in!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips

Friday 25 February 2011

Latvia 2011 - Inta Rudzīte un Uldis Timma - Walking on My Tiptoes


Is Latvia in a different century to the rest of us? How the heck else could you explain this? And who the heck thought that big billowing white sheet maguffin was a good idea? But having said all that, you'll still be singing it for the next hour and a half!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Austria 2011 - Klimmstein ft Joe Sumner - Paris Paris



Well who knew that Sting had a son. Austria tried to send him as part of a hokey community festival ska pop band - although they made sure his name was very clearly labelled on the packet. I can just imagine producer at the event. "OK Joe, that's very nice, but can you sound a bit more like your dad? Yes... and a bit more...?"

He came third, after a Pop Idol winner and an Alpine Rap act called Trackshittaz. His dad will be so proud. See if you can guess which one he is.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Turkey 2011 - Yüksek Sadakat - Live It Up


Well now. Turkey have been promising an uptempo indie rock song for weeks now, and what have they given us? A fat old pub rock band groaning out a leaden drear. I'm on the phone to Watchdog, I feel cheated!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Thursday 24 February 2011

Bulgaria 2011 - Rumaneca & Enchev - Shatrata


The Bulgarian final was a proper mixed bag of quality and weirdness, but the best song of the night was saved for the interval act, when a couple of fat blokes with massive bling and comedy shave-ups spat out a fabulous slab of Eastern-tinged hip hop, while surrounded by pretty much a whole circusful of acrobats.

Sadly I've not found a clip of their performance yet, but the official video of the same song will more than make up for that. Why didn't they just cancel the contest and send this!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Romania 2011 - Rallsa - Take Me Down


Head of Romanian telly: "Quick, we've had an act pull out from Song For Romania. We've got to get a replacement pronto!"

Junior producer: "Well my mum's down the over-35s disco next door. I can pop down and get her, and maybe she can drag a couple of mates along. Do they need to learn a dance routine?"

Head of telly: "There's no time for that. Tell 'em to make it up as they go along. We'll slip in a handybaggy house bit halfway through to confuse 'em!"

Junior producer: "Oh no, the cameraman's just fainted. I'll man the machines..."

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Norway 2011 - Gatas Parlament - Jobbe Litt Mindre OG Tjene Litt Mer


Here's a curious bit of business from Norway. Translated roughly as How To Work Less AND Earn More Money, this sounds more like a bunch of dock workers singing on their way home from a waterfront bar in Stavanger than a straight up rap tune. But still, it comes across as quaintly likable.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Wednesday 23 February 2011

Bulgaria 2011 - Elmira Kostova - Mome Hubava


This is what Eurovision's all about. It starts with some incomprehensible dancing and incongruous guitars, is sung by a bored looking checkout girl and some old ladies in national dress, and ends just as it gets going. It's like some kind of folky Hawkwind. Flippin' brilliant!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Estonia 2011 - MID - Smile


The Estonian fun parade continues unabated. Here, two young men in stark suits manage to be both darkly gloomy and winningly optimistic at the same time. I think I'd like living in Estonia.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Lithuania 2011 - Avenue Acoustic - Atgal į Nuodėmę


Right, let's see if we can work out what's going on here. Chirpy singer beats a sad looking man and cards, then skits about for a bit while the losing gentleman slumps. Then he sees another chap apparently in need of some manner of some heroin, so gladly helps the young man shoot up, before pacing around the stage earnestly in among some other empty chairs.

Nope, it's got us beat as well.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Tuesday 22 February 2011

Moldova 2011 - Zdob si Zdub - So Lucky


Some of you may remember Zdob si Zdub as Moldova's first ever Eurovision entrants - the ones who did that folky punk stomp with their granny on the drums. They also happen to be one of the biggest selling bands in Moldovan history, and are having another pop at getting a song on the contest. And while it's nowhere near as immediate as their debut offering, it's got some considerably shouty charm - especially now that it's been trimmed down to under three minutes. Could be a dark horse for the big one!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips

Estonia 2011 - Mimicry - The Storm


This mob known as Mimicry describe their sound as electronic party music, but they've got a bit more than that going for them. Imagine a big mix up of pre-New Order Manchester electronica, late 80s Balearic beats, 90s Belgian hardbeat, first generation UK rave, nu rave and a big slice of fluoro techno, and mix it all up with that indescribable but highly recognisable Estonian cool, and have it presented by a ramshackle mob of hip young things just shuffling about with a slight air of disaffection. It's a right old hodge-podge, but it just about gets away with it!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips

Italy 2011 - Patty Pravo - Il Vento E Le Rose


I'd never come across Patty Pravo before I saw this video, but you could just tell that she'd been pretty famous at some point in her life. It turned out that she'd been a major figure in Italian pop music of the 60s and 70s, and a flag bearer for the liberated women of that macho nation. She's also quite, quite bonkers.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Monday 21 February 2011

Bosnia & Herzegovina 2011 - Dino Merlin - Love In Rewind


Bosnia's Song For Dusseldorf is a delightfully unhinged affair. There's stamping - lots of stamping, some gloriously raggy-handed instrument playing and an awful lot of leaping about for an old chap. The song itself might be gossamer thin, but its general vibe and atmosphere is terrific.Nice one Dino!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Lithuania 2011 - Eden - Sleep Of Mind


Strike a light, Brian Molko suddenly got a whole lot taller!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Switzerland 2011 - Duke - Waiting For Ya


You may think that I've been unfairly picking on the Eastern countries, but they have been rich treasuries of all manner of rare gems. However, the West hasn't been without its more eccentric entrants. The Swiss hid their final away back in the Christmas mists of last year, but this little pearl didn't go unnoticed.

Witness the sight of a man trying to squeeze just a little bit too much into three short minutes. Just how many hamfisted costume changes do you need on one song, Duke old son?

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Latvia 2011 - Blitze - Hop


In this sad year of Eurovision loss, don't be surprised to see another taken-too-young songwriter get his tune posthumously onto the Dusseldorf stage. Martins Freemanis's delightful little tune has got a suitably dumb and likeable crazy legged dance routine to match, and could tug at the home town heartstrings, sending this all the way to Germany. But my, those press conferences are going to be a weepy affair!

This song also sees the best use of a sofa in a supporting role that we've yet seen this year.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Estonia 2011 - Orelipoiss - Valss


Every Eurovision should have one of these. Fat bloke with a beard and a high-pitched voice? Check. A couple in some kind of regional dress doing some folk dancing? Check. A man in the corner tending some grass? Now hang on a minute…

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Sunday 20 February 2011

Italy 2011 - Roberto Vecchioni - Chiamami Ancora Amore


As mentioned elsewhere, the Italians were chosing their first Eurovision entrant in donkey's years from the ranks of San Remo 2011 - their own enormous and impenetrable song contest - but the winner wouldn't necessarily be the one who got the magic ticket to Dusseldorf. Which is a dang shame, because the contest's victor Roberto Vecchioni's disgruntled old bloke rantathon would have stood head and shoulders above anything else that's been selected so far - and would certainly have done better than the fat bloke at a piano that they eventually chose!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Georgia 2011 - Eldrine - One More Day


Georgia snuck their final in almost without telling anybody. More of a surprise, to those outside of the country at least, was that this raggle taggle aggregation of MOR techno rock won through to Dusseldorf. I've probably got the numbers in my phone of half a dozen bands from my home town of Bristol who sound exactly like this lot - even down to the slightly out of tune girl singer who thinks she's a bit better than she actually is. Man alive is she going to struggle on the big stage.

Fair play to them for trying something a bit different, and after last year's big result from Turkey I can see what they were attempting to do, but this really is a bit of a mess. Bless 'em!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Lithuania 2011 - Kas Jos Tokios? - Unbreakable



The Lithuanian fun just keeps on coming. So, you're in a competition already populated by many slabs of the delightfully strange; you've got yourself a half-decent mid-tempo emotional warbler sung by three extraordinarily pretty young girls - how would your present it on stage? It might just be me, but I don't think I'd chuck them in a huge gurt crate!

Once again, do ignore the drab host chap in the nasty purple shirt for the first 30 seconds.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips

Albania 2011 - Blerina Shalari - Lutjes Apo Dashurise



Have you ever seen anyone as ill-at-ease on a stage as this? The first 30 seconds in particular are knuckle-gnawingly awkward. Still, give the gal her due, when she got going she managed to belt the tune out, but she looked as though she never imagined she'd have to sing the song in front of more than a half dozen people.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Thursday 17 February 2011

Azerbaijan 2011 - Aynishan Guliyeva - Carry Me In Your Dreams


The Azeri final was a funny to do. It seemed to go on for about a day and a half, as the five contestants, who'd already battled their way through weeks of X Factor style auditions sang song after song, interspersed with popular local acts and Eurovision contestants from other countries. There was also a strong rumour that one artist's gangster dad had made an agreement that she would get through.

Funnily enough, that contestant wasn't poor Aynishan. Surely the director wasn't paid off to give the younger and prettier singer as little screen time as possible. How else would you explain the the huge sections of slow pans across a bored looking and over-lit crowd as she warbled her way through the 2009 Albanian entry? They obviously do things different down that way.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Lithuania 2011 - Dave and Henry - Fresh Air Dream


The more I watch this contest, the more I wonder quite what the selection process in Lithuania. Has someone high up at LTV got one heck of a strange sense of humour, or do they just happily relish the truly bonkers. Perhaps it's a thing about the psyche that the rest of us could never understand. I just wonder what the songs that they turn down are like.

And as for Dave and Henry's tune here - I've been writing about music for 30 odd years now, but I can't find the words to adequately describe it. It really is quite the thing. Excuse the host rabbiting on for the first 30 seconds, mind.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Latvia 2011 - Crazy Dolls - Positively Thinking


A raggle-taggle drinking song in a ham-fisted Irish stylee anyone? It's not terribly good, but at the same time manages to be immensely likable.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Wednesday 16 February 2011

Estonia 2011 - Ithaka Maria - Hopa'pa-rei!


This young lass has managed to crowbar some lively Estonian folk, some chamber metal ala Coppelius and Apocalyptica and a rather unhealthy Shakira fascination into a tune that didn't turn out too bad, despite its unlikely ingredients.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Albania 2011 - Orges Toçe - Mari


In an Albanian final absolutely packed with aimless noodling ballads and generic south eastern disco, a quaint little songalong ditty played by a beardy giant plucking a midget guitar stood out like a delightfully sore thumb. What an unassuming little beauty it is too.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Moldova 2011 - Sasha Bognibov - Do You Know I Love A Girl


Anyone who has been following the early stages of the Moldovan selection process for the last few years have become accustomed to wondering exactly what the ever optimististic pervy goth boy Sasha Bognibov is going to send in next. His past entries have amused and horrified in equal nature, but this year he got a bit of beef behind him and submitted this chunky, if unsettling, slice of gloriously dubious filth.

Like the first swallows of spring, when you hear the new Bognibov you know that Eurovision season has truly begun.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Tuesday 15 February 2011

Italy 2011 - Anna Tatangelo - Bastardo


Italy are back in Eurovision for the first time since 1997. Rumour has it that they are choosing their artist from the ranks of this year's San Remo - the massive five day domestic song contest on which the original idea of Eurovision was based. Well they should look no further than this absolute stunner of a hate/love ballad by the slightly frightening Anna Tatangelo.

The stuffy old EBU would never let it happen, of course, if only for the very non-Eurovision title. But this one's got 'comeback winner' written all over it - and it absolutely widdles over everything else that's been picked so far this year!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Austria 2011 - Richard Klein - Bigger, Better, Best



All the ingredients are there for a cracking post-modern assault on a cosy Saturday night light entertainment institution. They've got the knowingly self-referential song, a band journeymen musicians who look like they've been around the rock'n'roll block a bit, and even a frontman with one of the most carefully crafted and potentially brilliant images of the year. It's just a crying shame that he goes and spoils it all by being just a tad too self-conscious to be either funny or threatening.

Damn it, this could have been terrific - but instead it's nothing much better than kind of all right. Jump to 44 seconds in unless you fancy a look at some affable Austrian chat show hosts.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Estonia 2011 - Elmayonesa - Kes Ei Tantsi On Politsei



You get the odd song now and again that seems to have taken the best bits from all their favourite songs and chucked them into a big music bowl, but without ever really understanding what made them so good in the first place. Elmayonesa - bless him - swings out a song about the police not really liking to dance very much in a low-slung Baltic reggaeton style, but there just seems to be something intangiable missing. Shame.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Monday 14 February 2011

Slovenia 2011 - Rock Partyzani - Time For Revolution



Now we're talking! A bunch of Slovenian Yugo nostalgists stamping about in ill-fitting Partizan outfits to a vodka-fuelled riot of a song about going back to the old days? It's not far off perfect! Rock Partyzani have got quite the track record too, as they were behind Slovenia's official World Cup anthem last year, so we can only hope that they're still big enough back home to book their ticket to Dusseldorf.

This video is only a short exerpt, but you'll get the gist!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Poland 2011 - The Trash - Things Go Better With Rock


On paper this should have been dreadful. A Polish sleaze metal act fumbling their way through a late-80s style rawk anthem shouldn't have worked. But in a venue that appeared to be the foyer of a shopping centre they rocked out like they were headlining Donington, and their dopey enthusiasm and ramshackle backing vocals made it incredibly likeable.

And by heavens, if it didn't drag them up to a fourth place finish in their national final. Good work fellas!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Bulgaria 2011 - Milena Slavova - Fire In My Hair


Apparently Milena was considered an enemy of the state in the late 80s. So worried were they about the effect her music had on the youth of Bulgaria that her band Review were banned from making any records, and her live performances were limited to only the most secret of underground shows. She is an anti-state heroine of some standing - which makes this histrionic mash up of edgy metal and mangled English all the more fun!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Sunday 13 February 2011

Azerbaijan 2011 - Çingiz Mustafayev - Duy Duy



Azerbaijan, as you would imagine, do things very differently. Before they choose their finalists they put them through their paces in a long and arduous casting show, but in the end always seem to pick someone whose dad knows the head of Azeri TV.

Which is why this little beauty didn't even get past the first stage. This bizarre cultural amalgam could have come from any of the last six decades and features remarkable hair, plinky plonky instruments and the smallest DJ you ever did see!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Sweden 2011 - Babsan - Ge Mig En panjor



Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first trannie of the year - and actually she's not half bad... well, musically at least. And look out for an unusual bit of technical trickery at the beginning.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Norway 2011 - Helene Bøksle - Vardlokk




There are two unusual things about this sweet little Norwegian folk song. The first is the disarming and slightly unsettling expression on Helene's face, and the other is the constantly vapourising and rematerialising musicians.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Lithuania 2011 - Mezzo Tronic - I Mean It


This competition can throw up some pretty strange performances. And then there's the complete freakazoid wild cards that make you wonder just how they got this far through the process.

Take Mezzo Tronic. You can tell, just like their song title, that they really mean it. But quite what it is that they mean is not entirely clear. Oh, and keep a look out for the haunted look on the old lady's face a few seconds after they finish their performance. She looks right into your soul, man. A priceless three minutes of Eurovision history.


Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Friday 11 February 2011

Ireland 2011 - Jedward - Lipstick


If you want to get an act noted for not being able to sing terribly well voted onto Eurovision proper, just let them leap about in the foreground doing all the shrieky bits and let the backing singers get on with the meat and potatoes business at the back. Total fecking genius!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Moldova 2011 - Che-MD - Mother Land (Plai Natal)



It's clear that this mob of Moldovan nippers are big fans of their nation's debut Eurovision contestants Zdob-si-Zdub, who also have a song in this year's selection. So it was surprising to discover that their song is actually far better than their heroes's rather disappointing effort for 2011. But of course you can guess which one actually got chosen for the Moldovan final - these boys wuz robbed!

But if you're not at all bothered by all that internal politics nonsense, you will however enjoy the singer's somewhat unconventional singing voice.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Sweden 2011 - Le Kid - Oh My God



This little Swedish gem starts off quite normally, in a bouncy Alphabeat kind of way. But things start to get just a tiny bit strange from about halfway in, and by the end you won't quite be able to get your head round exactly what just happened.

Oh, and if you never thought there couldn't be any such thing as too much colour I may have just spoiled your day.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Ukraine 2011 - Zlata Ognevich - The Kukushka



Have they been putting something in the water in Ukraine this winter? Surely only that can explain the vast flood of strangeness they've been treating us to this season. This one appears to have the whiff of the woods about it, if the bird noises are anything to go by. Apparently it's the favourite to win. Crikey!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Thursday 10 February 2011

Romania 2011 - Dan Helciug - My Facebook Girl



It's a common ploy among hopeful Eurovision artists to try and tap into some popular contemporary trend and buy some cheap votes by writing a kak-arsed, point-missing song about it. A word of warning though - when you're composing a tune about an internet phenomenon beloved by the youth of the world, try not to come over like a grubby middle-aged groomer on the prowl.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Poland 2011 - Anna Gogola - Ktos Taki Jak Ty



It starts out as a fairly generic video for a servicable pop ditty with a marginaly rocky tinge - and then she gets the weaponry out. I hope she does that on stage!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Albania 2011 - Dorian Nini - Mire Se Vini Ne Shqiperi


"I can't make it down to Eurovision tonight, Dad. Can you pop down there in the cab and do it for me?"

"Anything for my boy. Do I have to dress up?"

"Nah, just go as you are..."

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Wednesday 9 February 2011

Romania 2011 - Mihai Alexandru ft B-Body and Soul - Bang Bang





There are two moments of complete Eurovision beauty nestling within the video for this terrific piece of Romanian dancey pop fliff. I can guarantee that you won't see either of them coming. And you'll probably go "Blimey!", "Eh?" or some other expression of surprise or delight when they do.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Ukraine 2011 - Vitaly Halay - My Expression





The joy here lays not with Vitaly's servicable, yet slightly over-wrought chunk of techno pop - as pretty as he may be. No, look beyond the boy with the laser-precision hairdo, and take a gander at the dancer chaps in the background as they give one of the most half-assed displays of hapless stumbling about that you're ever likely to see. Quite, quite marvellous. 

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Finland 2011 - Jimi Constantine – Party To Party



Witness if you will a young lad from Finland trying just a little bit too hard. He's pretty popular round his way, and was among the favourites to go through that night. But somehow his champagne-spraying, money-chucking exuberance must have rankled back home, and he was eliminated at the first hurdle.

Shame, because he looks as though he'd be the chap to go to if you wanted to, ahem,  get the party started...

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Ukraine 2011 - Olexandr Kvarta - Ne Somnevausya




I don't believe for a minute that this is actually Olexandr Kvarta. The real Olexandr is locked in a cupboard backstage with a damaged face while this escapee from the secure ward leaps about on the stage. They can't possibly have put this bloke through to the televised stages on purpose. Can they…?

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Austria 2011 - Trackshittaz ft Lukas Plöchl - Oida Taunz!


You can just picture the scene. It's Saturday night in Düsseldorf, and Graham Norton is introducing the Austrian song. "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, here's Trackshittaz!" One suspects that if they win through in Austria, they'll be getting a phone call from the EBU the next morning about their name.

Fans of alpine grime will love 'em!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Tuesday 8 February 2011

Ukraine 2011 - Jamala - Smile



Here's probably the most astounding vocal performance of the year from a woman who clearly thinks she's got this contest won already. She also sounds like she's never spoken a word of English in her life before. This, my friends, is a thing of painful beauty.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Estonia 2011 - Kait Tamra - Lubadus



Sometimes, when all about you is fluff and bluster, you just can't beat a simple song, sung well, by a nice old bloke at a piano.

Bloody lovely!

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Lithuania 2011 - Mino - Don't go




I've been following this contest pretty closely for longer than I care to remember, and on occasion it throws up some terrible, terrible things. But I have to say that this is possibly the worst, most ill-advised concept for the staging of a song that I have ever seen!

 Do enjoy...

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Belgium 2011 - Gautier Reyz - Addiction



Hands up who wants to see the most ludicrous hairdo of the season so far…

To get into the Belgian final, one first had to stump up 20,000 Euro in sponsorship, before being put to a judging panel. Thirty plucky contenders reached the magic money mark, while only ten were selected for the final. One can only assume that Gautier has a really, really rich dad.

Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Monday 7 February 2011

Estonia 2011 - Ans. Andur - Lapsed Ja Lennukid


There's always a couple of half-decent alt-rock numbers that sneak past the selection committees that illuminate their respective national finals but never stand a light of getting through to the big show in May. And quite often they come from Estonia. So revel in this smashing and unassuming little tune that sounds as though it's been plucked from a Manchester bedroom in 1982.

All photos © lays with the owners
Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Germany 2011 - Lena Meyer-Landrut - Taken By A Stranger


The Germans are playing the Eurovision equivilent of winner stays on, as last year's victor is having a stab at defending her crown. The Meyer-Landrut lass has submitted a dozen songs for the motherland to choose from, and among them was this delightfully sparse and creepy little number. She might still strangle her vowels and at times sound like a seal being kicked, but there's something really rather engaging about this one. Surely something this minimal can't make it to the final?

All photos © lays with the owners
Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Sunday 6 February 2011

Austria 2011 - Alf Poier - Happy Song



One of the great heroes for fans of Eurovision strangeness in recent years was Alf Poier, whose fabulous Dadaist entry Weil der Mensch Zählt confused a continent in Riga back in 2003. He had another go a couple of years later with a fabulously depressing tune called Good Old Europe Is Dying, which proved so popular that Austrian telly had to change the rules of their contest to stop it getting through.

So it's a darned shame that his latest stab - Happy Song - didn't make it to the final ten of his home final this year, because it really is rather special.

All photos © lays with the owners
Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Norway 2011 - The Lucky Bullets - Fire Below



This year's Norwegian selection is a pretty interesting mixed bag. After their win a couple of years back, the pressure is off, and so they've got a lot more adventurous in their choices this year. Alongside the usual ballads and schlagers we've seen Norse metal, sweet-faced emo, African dance, slightly bonkers folk and Kelly Clarkson-alikes.

But my fave of the bunch is this bunch of well-studied rockabillies with a Gene Vincent fetish. It's scarcely psychobilly, but in this context it works gloriously!

All photos © lays with the owners
Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Moldova 2011 - Formaţia Ion Krasnopolski - Cu Fanfara Pina Dimineata



There's a great tradition of brass wedding bands in the South East corner of Europe, and Moldova is home to many of the most unhinged among them. So I was very pleased to hear Ion Krasnopolski's mob and their happy-go-lucky stomp had made it to the Moldovan pre-selection final.

It trundles along bouncily enough, until around 1:18, when it suddenly turns into an approximation of the dawn chorus, acted out in the medium of metal wind instruments. Quite, quite wonderful.

All photos © lays with the owners
Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Malta 2011 - J. Anvil - Topsy-Turvy


Malta's qualification tournaments are generally packed with overweight women in shiny frocks singing mawkish Disney ballads and pasty-faced boys trying to get all earnest with guitars. But when they try pop it gets even more hillarious.

Witness J.Anvil. He's been trying to get to Eurovision proper for years, but always fails badly. But this year's he's got a crack crew of international fanboy songwriters to pen him a delightfully twee spot of showbiz. He'll probably just miss out on the final again, but for once it would be fabulous to see him get there.

Oh, and this one's got one of the best build ups to an artist reveal yet this year. Splendid stuff!

All photos © lays with the owners
Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.


Latvia 2011 - Ģirts Zebuliņš un Atis Zviedrs - Rough Enough


The post-Soviet Baltic states always serve up a few treats, but this year's Latvian semis have been a little lacking on the thrills and funnies. However, if you're looking for an entertaining but hapless dog's breakfast, look no further than this frat rap jolly - it starts poor and somehow manages to get worse and even more entertaining as it subsides.

Rough, indeed!



All photos © lays with the owners
Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.

Norway 2011 interval - Keep of Kalessin & Alexander Rybak - The Divine Land


Norway missed a trick by wasting this little marvel as the interval act in their first semi-final. Past winner Alexander Rybak coupled with last year's surprise package Keep Of Kalessin certainly knocked the socks off the packed Melodi Grand Prix crowd - just imagine the job they could have done in Dusseldorf.

Oh the missed opportunities!


All photos © lays with the owners
Videos from YouTube. Underlying © lays with the owners of the clips.