Macedonia 1996 - Kaliopi - Samo Ti

In a change to the usual barrage of fabulously nutjob acts they call a national final, this year the Macedonians have gone straight for the jugular and picked one of their best loved international acts in Kaliopi Bukle for Baku. But this lady has form.

She was previously elected to be their entry for the 1996 contest, but was one of seven acts unceremonially booted out in that year's painfully unfair pre-selection process. And by the looks of the old bluesy howler, she'd have come second in this year's contest…

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Switzerland 2012 - Carlos Santoo feat Laila – Siesta Girl

You can always expect a few freakazoid efforts when a national selection process is open to everyone, but there have been few (outside of Moldova, at least) that have proved as creepy and moderately molestoid as this little gem.

Witness as the slightly seedy Mr Santoo, a resident of the out-of-the-way Swiss border town of Buchs (Leichtenstein is only a hork and a spit away), prowls around his back garden in a badly-washed dressing gown, trying to lure the unsuspecting Laila into his bed. It's like some kind of a sexed up snuff video, only with a slightly worse soundtrack!

To experience the full pervy horror, click this link…

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Switzerland 2012 - No Mercy - Bet Your Ass On It

I must admit, when I heard that Switzerland's premier Motorhead tribute act were throwing their greasy stetson into the Eurovision ring I almost got a little excited. Sadly their ham-throated singer affects possibly the worst Lemmy impersonation known to man, and their sub-pub rock song confirms that they are better off sticking to the covers.

We can only dream one day that the real Motorhead represent the UK one day. I guess that's only me, then.

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Switzerland 2012 - Ruth Juon und Evi Juon - Joy of Paradise

There are 221 songs in the Swiss selection, and despite the huge barrage of home made tunes, there are very few that make you stop what you're doing and just stare. So let me introduce you to Ruth and Evi Juon - already one of the most staggering songs of the year...

Click here to see the full beauty

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Switzerland 2012 - Same Difference - Music

Ever wonder what happened to the slightly cloying Portsmouth brother and sister act Same Difference? You know, the ones who did better than anyone imagined and ended up as a High School Musical trib act for a bit…

Well they've got a song in the longlist for the Swiss Eurovision selection process. Showbiz, eh!


See their hastily cobbled together video - and maybe even vote for them - here…

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Switzerland 2012 - Lys Assia - C'était Ma Vie

2012? Already? The whole process has started comically early for perennial Eurovision under-achievers Switzerland, but among the fields of amateur hour dross their earlier stages have just thrown up, one song stands head and shoulders above the rest.

There may be better songs in their selection, and there may be songs who stand a much better chance at success, but they'd be absolute fools not to send this sentimental old slice of loveliness, sung by the 85-year-old winner of the first ever contest back in 1956, and written by Ralph Seigel and Jean Paul Cara, who've got a win each under their belts.

Her voice may be wobbly these days, but that's not the point. She's Eurovision through and through, and I can't think of anyone who would be more apt to take part in what could be the most interesting competition in years. Let's hope that the Swiss see sense for once and do the right thing.

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Switzerland 2011 - Fräkmündt - D'Draachejongfer

Well now, you think you've heard everything from all the various qualifiers, but this little gem that didn't quite make it to the Swiss final managed to pass everyone by. Until now!

Fräkmündt could do with a little following up, I fancy, as they've got a bit of a look about them!

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Azerbaijan 2008 - Elnur & Samir - Day After Day

Congratulations to Azerbaijan for getting their first Eurovision win at only their fourth attempt. I might not be the biggest fan of the song, but I'm not going to pass up the chance of a fortnight in Baku this time next year!

However, I do rather wish that they'd won it with their debut song in Belgrade back in 2008. When it was first announced that Azerbaijan were taking part I fully expected it to be either a mawkish Caucasian ballad or a fruity slice of ethno disco. I wasn't however expecting Elnur and Samir...


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Belarus 2011 – Anastasia Vinnikova - I Love Belarus

Belarus had to bin their original effort because of a rules technicality. Boo!

But they've sent this instead. Yay!

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Ukraine 2011 - Maxim Novitskiy - True Love Can Free You

There are some things in Eurovisionland that you just peg down cultural differences that folks from other countries will never really understand. Sometimes it's a time signature or a vocal style or arrangement. But more often than not it relates to their outfit.

That's what we thought when we first saw Maxim Noviskiy. OK, so we think his Cossack Michael Jackson schtick is pretty weird, but to the locals in Ukraine, his dressing up like plasticised member of Laibach must seem completely normal. But then we saw the looks on the faces of the jury members as he stomped around the stage, and they thing he's fecking mental as well.

The song itself starts at around 2:55, but it's almost worth ploughing through the preamble just to see how unhinged Ukrainian telly can be!

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Albania 2011 - Goldi Halili - Ne Krahet E Tua

Watch the video by clicking here.
Back in January when I first saw this I didn't really give it a second thought. Sung by a willowy lass with a thin voice nervously tugging at her frock like a teenager struggling to keep her bath towel up, I felt like I was intruding on the young girl skipping about and singing to herself in her bedroom.

But three months on, and with a lot of musical water under the bridge, it makes a lot more sense. In fact I'd rather this were the official Albanian entry - in the right hands this song could have a chorus to make the boys swoon.

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Russia 2009 - Alex Sparrow - Angel Be

It's not the first time this year's Russian boy has had a stab at entering Eurovision. Last year he had a reasonable pop with an oddity called The New Kalinka - which updated the popular Russian folks song and somehow made it kinda worse. But it was in 2009, and under the name of Alex Sparrow that he gave a performance that will forever go down in National Final history.

His over-mannered pop pomp may be a bit cloying at first, but stick with it, because witnessing the whole thins makes what happens in the final ten seconds all the more entertaining. I hope he attempts that again in Dusseldorf!

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Portugal 2011 - Henrique Feist - Quase a voar

Portugal is a bit like the land time forgot in Eurovision terms. Not for them the perky pop punk and techno tunes that have been littering the national finals of late. Instead they prefer to go for songs of a more timeless nature - and indeed this particular example could have come from any Eurovision years since colour TV came into play. It meanders a bit at the end, but whatever it is that Henrique is telling us, you certainly believe it! Best use of a flat cap this year, too!

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Austria 2011 - Freddy Sahin-Scholl - Butterfly

Click these words to hear this dazzling song - but put away the glasswear first.
Before that handsome Corsican lad popped up for the French there was one vocal performance that stood head and shoulders above all others this year (and I don't mean Jamala) - and if anything it was even more astounding. There's no proper video for this, but you won't be quite expecting what you hear in the clip if you base your preconceptions on the picture above. I wouldn't necessarily say it's good, but it's amazing all the same.

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Portugal 2011 - Sete Saias - Embalo Do Coração

When it boils down to it, this is what Eurovision is all about - regional frocks, wonky folk instruments and some gorgeous squawking in a regional dialect. Yes, one of them does appear to be playing a couple of pine cones! This is what the people want!

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