You lot who claim to be fans of Eurovision but steadfastly refuse to watch any of the qualifier shows so that you can keep yourselves pure baffle us here at Apocalypse. To use a sporting analogy, it's like claiming to be a massive fan of football's FA Cup but only watching the Wembley final. Yes, throughout Spring you get dozens of mini Eurovisions from right around the continent - and even beyond these days - and you're missing out on so much fun.
And look at all the fun you're missing out on. Songs that don't stand a cat in hell's chance of getting anywhere near Tel Aviv, but that underline the very joy of performing for its own sake. Folks like 120 here.
The song's terrible of course, but watch and marvel as two fellas who still can't believe that they've got on the telly are shouting and japing along to ever more ludicrous dance routines. Peer closely into the background and you may just spot the rank of backing singers trilling along from their song sheets like they can't quite believe their careers have come to this.
So join us, people, and soon you'll be standing with us on the musical version of the touchline of a municipal park on a damp evening watching some godforsaken Extra-Preliminary round replay (It's an FA Cup thing again). This is non-league Eurovision, and it's the absolute spirit of the competition - why on Earth would you want to miss out on such delights?
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