United Kingdom 2017 - Her Eyes Untied - This Love

(Click here if your iPad wants to see the glory...)

You see, this is why the UK doesn't do very well at Eurovision these days. And that's not to deride the clearly very sweet couple performing this very sweet song. It's well structured, doing all the right things in exactly the right places, and it's sung very well, by two people clearly in tune with the meaning of the song. On paper it's a decent song. But, you know, something about it's just not right.

It's steeped in a cosy, Gloria Hunniford, Sunday afternoon from the old days kind of world. One that still exists in the hearts of nans, cake makers and pigeon fanciers across the land, but also one that doesn't really exist in the wider world of showbusiness any more. But still, somehow, that's the kind of view that a great many people on this funny old islands of ours fall back to when they consider what a Eurovision song should be.

I really don't want to diss the song itself - or indeed the strangely titled duo who sing it. It's just plain nice, and that isn't always a bad thing. But just imagine if you were sitting down on a Saturday night in May to watch a high energy turbo-fuelled pop show. Would this really leap out at you, grab you by the throat and force you to vote for it? Or would it simply make you do a warm sigh of cuddly love, before you popped off to make a cuppa?

Bless 'em for trying, and all - and there will be far worse songs that get to national finals around the continent, after all - but really, we should be thinking of a much broader scope these days. I still want to give them a big old friendly hug, though.