Latvia 2022 - Citi Zēni - Eat Your Salad

 (If you can't see the panel above, click here and see if you don't get bored after about half a minute…)

So we were working our way through the newly released Supernova songs. If you've heard them already, you'll know the exact moment that we spat our tea out. But if you're new to this tune, we'll give you a moment to play the start of the above-linked ditty. Exactly eight seconds in fact…

Back in the room? Great, now wipe off your screen and continue…

Rarely before has a song gone around the Eurovision socials at such lightning fast speed as this one. But that's almost certainly got more to do with that impactful opening line than it does the actual body of the song, as it were. Because take away that initial shock factor and what have you got? A tedious ironic neo funk song that runs out of shock factor in eight seconds, and ideas in about a minute.

Regular readers will know that probably our least favourite of all the genres is wacky knowing funk. From Wadde Hadde Dudde Da to Do The Monkey and beyond, it's possibly the whitest, most drably middle class of all musics, and it's generally served with a massive side of smugness.

So it's a shame when you quickly discover that a song with such a dynamic, head-turning opening is merely a bunch of try hards in heritage clothing trying to be a bit clever. And it doesn't matter that the subject matter of their song is something we should all applaud - I simply don't believe that they believe it themselves.

It would be vaguely amusing to see the mild panic the EBU would get into if it was selected, but when a song is effectively over before the caption has faded from the screen, that's a massively missed opportunity for mischief. Still, it'll always be entertaining to play the song's beginning to a significant adult, just to watch their initial reaction. Just don't play them the rest of the song, or they'll surely nod off.